This amazing client of mine, stepped into my world 14 months ago , after taking my 3-day masterclass for body positivity. She wrote to me, “I’ve been on the body positivity train for years now. I know all the theory. In my circle of friends, I’m basically you. Introducing them to body positivity resources, explaining how women have been brainwashed for years, and telling them to smash the patriarchy every day! But then, when it comes to me, to my own body, I can’t do it. I can’t apply body positivity to myself…
I see the pictures on your Instagram, and I think, well of course they’re stunning. These are gorgeous women. I would not look like that.”
That one message began our incredible coaching relationship and her transformative year. She began with my body image mentorship program, and she didn’t even consider doing a boudoir session until 7 months later.
Here is a little glimpse into her journey…
“All my life I’ve spent so much energy to be sexy and beautiful because even though I grew up in a pretty feminist and not diet-obsessed household, I still got the message from the world around me that’s what women should be. Body positivity was a concept close to me, it felt right, and I was trying to “love myself” the way I was. But at the same time I was straightening my bouncy curls till they burned, I never left the house without make up, I always thought I was “fat”, even though looking back at old pictures I see how actually “skinny” I used to be.
I’ve always relied on men to validate how beautiful I was. The goal was always to appeal to the male gaze, oh gosh my skin crawls just writing this, that’s where I used to get my fleeting confidence from.
Post partum completely destroyed my already weak body image. I found myself in a body that was not my gorgeous earth goddess pregnant self, but not my younger “short skirts party outfit” self either. I felt like a used, empty plastic bag. I lost touch with my femininity, and I didn’t recognize myself anymore…”
“After I took Rebecca’s 3-day class, I became curious. I knew I needed help with my body image but didn’t know exactly what or how I could have gotten that. Most traditional therapists don’t take it into account unless there’s some serious eating disorder involved, and I felt silly bringing up the fact that part of my mental health issues was that I didn’t like the way I looked.
For the same reason it felt silly in the beginning to invest in such a “vain” kind of coaching, but I didn’t know what else to do. and Rebecca seemed to speak my language, so I just went for it!”
“It felt immediately good to talk with Rebecca, from our first session I left with good energy and the feeling that someone understood me. Every session after was like that, too. It was like talking to a compassionate and non-judgmental friend.
Then I noticed a shift in the way I perceived my body. I remember catching a glimpse in the mirror after a shower (I used to get dressed as fast as I could so there was no chance I had to look at myself naked!) and thinking that my body looked very soft and feminine. I felt compassion towards it, not hate or frustration.
Towards the end of the coaching program, I had to check my weight for a medical check up. Stepping on the scale made me feel nervous because last time I did it, I didn’t take the number I saw very well. Now that number didn’t make me feel anything. It was just a number popping up on an electronic scale. It wasn’t me.”
“The boudoir session wasn’t planned. Rebecca almost never mentioned it. I went into the coaching with no intention whatsoever of doing a boudoir shoot. “That’s just for beautiful women who want to celebrate themselves or make a gift for their partners,” I thought. I was not beautiful, nor in the mood to give a gift to my husband.
Then suddenly, towards the end of the coaching process, the idea came to me. I saw the boudoir photoshoot as a tool to see myself from the outside, through the lens of Rebecca, who knows how to show your unique beauty. I felt ready.
My boudoir experience definitely took the coaching process to a higher level. It was the unintended, fun culmination of a journey. It was proof that what I was now feeling inside: accepting, judgement free, sexy, powerful, was showing on the outside. I finally saw it too.
Before the session, I was afraid I would only see my “flaws,” but it wasn’t like that. I could see a beautiful sexy goddess who knows her power and can handle anything.”
"I know now that liking what I see in the mirror and taking care of my body is not superficial or vain, and I have the ability to accept with compassion the moments when I compare myself to other women or when I feel frustrated because my belly jiggles more than I’d like to.
It’s not that I magically think I am beautiful now and my insecurities disappeared. I still see my “flaws,” but they don’t bother me. I accept them as a part of me. I feel more neutral about them, and that makes me feel more beautiful and confident overall. I feel the same towards other women too. I don’t judge them anymore, I see their beauty regardless of their size or eye color or whatever other detail I would have been jealous or petty about years ago. I know now that everyone has internal struggles about their appearance, even when they look model-like, and that makes me a more compassionate human being.
I can see beauty all around me because I don’t focus so much on my own insecurities anymore.
I definitely have more energy and mental space to invest in my work, family and social life because I’m not constantly worried about how I look, and I’ve been seeing a clear improvement in all of those areas. My husband told me “I don’t know what you’ve been doing, but I can see it’s good.”
“Through this experience, I have learned to look at my body in a more neutral way, it’s not “good” or “bad”, or “sexy” or “ugly,” it just is. My worth as a woman is not tied to a shape or a number, and that gave me the chance to love it, appreciate it, and take care of it.
I would absolutely recommend this to other women. I think it will free them and make them beautiful people, on the outside and on the inside.”
Hair and Makeup by Rhonda Lev